random stuff
hey hey...so i blogged..sorry its not the longest thing but that is what i got out of it ...
Anyways. today i spent time doing work and sleeping and chatting with shaun on sms...well its him finally telling me why he is shutting me off and how he cant do that at the same time...i think we are talkin on better terms now but he wonders if he ever has a chance..
you know what i feel? sometimes i feel that he may jsut be the one for me but so many times i just cant fee that way as well..cause i want so much more now...because i am figuring myself out now...i can just feel that i want more...sigh.can you actually want more? i dont know man...yet he is a really great guy...seriously...my brother and i think my mom wants me to try things out..but i just simply cant afford to that man..cause i just cant feel that way somewat...
i dont know man..so confusing lah..sigh.i picked up several thoughts at reubens wedding..sharing it with you now...when i heard what uncle tom said to esther about how her unique experiences were meant just for her to be able to grow n develop to a woman suitable for reuben..i really felt at that moment that i really wanted to be ready for my guy next time n to just groom myself..when i look at andy i really respect him cause he is only 24 and he seems to have done so much already..things that i myself would really like to achieve..the travelling and the job and everything ah...then i realised maybe cause he has no gf?? hahah...damn random but i think this way becasue i think sometimes i get so involved in all these relationship stff that i dont do what im sppose to be doing and get all messy instead? you know what i mean?yarh cause im such a unfocused person..sigh..theres so much that i wished i could have achieved and things like that...so much going on in my head man...after that night..thats probably why i couldnt go to sleep..hahaha..and people like ANdy seems to have it all for him...and he has the power to choose now...as in like reuben right..they are all in the stage where they are stable and can handle stuff already...i haven been at all..that kinda thing lah...hahahha
yeah well..just a mere section of my head...haahah...gtg eat dinner now..ciao
chapter11
realised the need for constant meditation---reading and reviewing Gods word
i actually talk to God alot during the day in my head.lhahah...so yarh im quite used to it actually..
i think i need to really learn how to allow God to speak to me instead...meditation
ANs: bring ALL aspects to him in my prayer and just be patient in hearing his voice...every singel random thing also tell him until i get so used to it...
chapter 10
heart of worship
surrender is the heart of worship.
true worship is the act of giving it all to God
God wants my life
my barriers are real: fear, pride,confusion
God is a lover...he woos us...( was quite smiley when i thought of this..hhah)
surrender brings freedom, genuine surrender
those were the key things i learnt from that chapter
learnt the meanin of surrender. the reality of how humans react to the common knowledge of surrender; we run
however i think that this is exactly what God is trying to teach me man...no good
the area of life that i have to surrender:
education and my life partner
rrrrr
hey hey..my computer athome is dead so im stil using the school one..sorry about not blogging recently...just super not focus weeek again..its been 2 weeks of no aim and motivation and whatever ...i need to break out of it..i amin school but i din go for lecture..i just feel like catching up on my work and other things...i guess ive just been avoiding school and everything like crazy...
yeah i think we could pray before cooking and stuff...that would be good i guess...im using the excuse of nothaving my things here to make me feel better...i just feel very incomplete and very wrong ah...i dontknow what it is...but yarh...its been a while..i need to kick out of it...
will be better hopefully..im going to start on my work now...man..statics is really not my kinda thing man...sigh.
Day 9..
We really should pray tonight...I feel stressed still..I need to slow down my life....I shall come over earlier...After I mop the floor...
Shall blog Day 9...What makes God Smile?
I was up till 3am last night...Drank coffee to keep me awake so that I can finish most of my work...Quite stressed...Trying not to be worried in finishing my work though...
-The smile of God is the goal of my life, in everything I do.
- God smiles when we love him supremely, when we trust him completely, obey him wholeheartedly. When we praise and thank him continually and when we use our abilities.
-Point to Ponder: God smiles when I trust Him.
- Question to consider: Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust Him most?
- My response: Life partner (terrible lack of one now), Work (terrible pile to do now) and Family (occasional driving up the wall) =P
Another thought that I had was that I need to think about the fact that I am not using my piano skills. That is bad. I need to trust in God not to be concerned about stage fright, rather should be concerned about pleasing God. God never stopped enjoying me even when I was not perfect.
Getting cheapo here...Day 6, 7 and 8
Hi hi,
Getting cheapo here...Shall blog Day 6,7 and 8 all at one go...
We really need to get down to blogging and praying...I know that it is hard to go through PDL....I was beginning to wonder how anyone can read it without something not even something changing....Maybe things may change even without the naked eye seeing...Maybe I'm just being too critical...But I know that it is changing me....Even if the book may be a bit floozy....
My suggestion is that we pray together before cooking on Friday since Barn wouldn't be there yet...Even if it is short time of prayer...I think we should do it....
Know that you were tired during bible study today...Read what you wrote on the blog today....Hope that your cramps and all are better.....
Anyway here goes...
Day 6 - Life is a Temporary Assignment
- We are Christ's ambassadors - I need to remember not to make myself too cosy in this world.
- Not to focus on material abundance and temporary crowns.
- Greatest heors of faith are not those who achieve prosperity, success and power in life, but those who treat this life as a temporary assignment and serve faithfully.
- Point to Ponder: This world is not my home.
- Question to consider: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?
- This is my prayer and response:
I know it should be that life on earth is just a temporary assignment, Lord, I know I should not be worried about the painful little things because they are small in your eyes. Take away my insecurities and let me rest in you for strength. I don't know how I will ever get to finish my work and ever meet the guy of my life. Lord, I really need to trust in you because I have no idea how I can ever ever get to fulfill all these desires. I know you have something better for me. Teach me to be patient. Teach me to focus on you instead. In Jesus' name. Amen.
Day 7 - The Reason for Everything
- It's all for Him. Ultimate goal of the universe is for the glory of God. What is the glory of God? It is who God is. It is the essence of His nature.
- Living for God's glory is the greatest accomplishment we can have with our lives.
- Bring glory by worshiping Him, by loving other believers, by becoming like Christ, by serving others with our gifts and by telling others about Him.
- Point to Ponder: It's all for Him.
- Question to consider: Where in my daily routine can I be more aware of God's glory?
- My response:
I need to love other believers more, serve others with my gifts more (eg playing piano even though I don't like it, don't know why...Perhaps lack of confidence), telling others about Him more (really bad at doing evangelism...And I just wonder...If I am really that excited about God, how come I ain't telling people about it?) I need to reach out to the people in HR with my concern and love and to show them in my small ways that they are created by God and loved by God...I really don't know how, but I will try...And I will start with my Shanghai trip, because I'm going with a lot of non-Christians.....
Day 8 - Planned for God's pleasure
- God did not need to create me, but He chose to create me for His enjoyment. Ties in with "it's all about Him". I should then be focusing on pleasing God, not pleasing myself. Will not have the problem of feeling insignificant.
- Bringing pleasure to God is called "worship".
- Worship is far more than music. Worship is not for my benefit. It is to bring pleasure to God.
- Point to Ponder: I was planned for God's pleasure.
- Question to consider: What common task could I start doing if I were doing it directly for Jesus?
- My response:
Going to work with cheer because I'm doing it for Jesus.
I will blog Day 9 sometime this week...You should be on Day 9 too cos today is 18/8/2004 and we should be starting Day 10 tomorrow....You can make God smile, it is the attitude of your heart and what is on your mind....Keep at it, I know that school can be really inane....Hang in there yah? =) Love you heaps too....
sorry computer dead
hey girl..my computer has been in a state of confusion ad my brother is quite upset with me becasue of it..so im not able to use anything in the internet..and its quite bad..im not communicationg with anything..in fact this has to be rushed cause my beloved mommy is picking me from school..i am having such bad cramps i just want to curl up in mybed...its horrible..and well..ive ben feeling so low of late..its just heaps of stuff...
i really understand what youre going through..but you know gir..i think its time you relied on someone esle..which is what i came to learn about this past week...ive been relying on tomo and somehow shaun..and yo know what? God is removing them both from my life..its scary.. its sad..its damn painful..i only have you and barn now in sg that i really want to talk to...i mean i have my gfs..but somehow we just dont get to meet on a regular basis like how i can with you all...and thats really difficult for me so yarh..
God has been there...whether or not i wanted to choose from him or the others...and i realsied that God wanted me to choose him..and he is makingme choose him...have not been really enjoying PDL because its comin to topics that are difficult..but ill force myself through..that is what i have committed to HIM anyways...i read finish the little book of the prayer of jabez..and i am really touched by what i read and i will share wit you the 3 prayers inside that i have really been helped by on wednesday ift ehre is time..in anycase...things arent moving much in my life..im doin the routine..i m having my cramps and im moody..but i just try my very best to see things in a better light..do the things that i need to do like my work and stuff like that..i avoided the covenant and stuff cause i just din feel ready to do it and stuff and well..i figured that i cant run from it forever anyways...i has just realy been hard lah..oh wells...anyways i have to go now..takes me quite a while to walk to meet my mommy..
its funny when you need to use the internet the most you dont have it..haahh..amazing..no notes and everythin..haaah...
okok..ill see you tonight...
love you
big hugs for you on a wed afternoon.
Feeling low today...
At this low point today...worse than yesterday...Just have no desire to do work today...No desire yesterday...and no desire today...In fact yesterday, I went wine, wine glass and cheese shopping during office hours...Cos remember I have that scholars' event tonight....Yup...That was what I did at work yesterday...In fact, I was so happy to be out, being silly, that it is actually a big waste of time and resources to be doing all of this during office hours...But I really couldn't care less....
In fact, I have so many silly frustrations, I can't even quite begin...I just realized how much I rely on my friends, and how much I need my friends' approval...I just feel that I'm in the out-group of things, like with my work colleagues in HR, with my work colleagues who are scholars...
Llike this business trip that I'm going...quite a few people are extending...for fun...but like I will be included in the extension only if they have not enough people..cos need to extend by group of 4s....to get cheap fares..And like I realized that with being in HR, i have alienated myself from my scholar friends...cos it is hard to be in HR and be a friend at the same time....Cos I know too much confidential info kinda of....And most of my scholar friends went to the same department, which ain't HR and so I'm in the out group of sorts...
So i feel like i'm in a no-man's land...like i'm not belonging to the people in HR...cos i'm not from the IR team who are the people i'm going on the business trip with...cos i'm from the HR devt team...and i don't fit in with scholars per se....cos i'm not really in snooty land....and the only real friends i have are christine and juliana...and i know that they will quit one of these days...so i will be left with no real frens..sorry that i sound sad and soppy today....it's really times like these that i wish for someone to tell me that everything will be okay....i've just been flg sian all week...
i've just been flg judgemental as well...argh...i did my duty in sending a invitation card to you know who to come for the prayer and praise night event...he sent me back a card and said that he has got something on, and he also informed me that he joined arpc....oh good golly...i felt really judgemental...cos the image of what he is portraying ain't gelling with the arpc image....He has the cheek to write on his blog that he is at day 34/40 of PDL, but I don't seem to see a change in him! How can you go through a book without getting hit and changing? okay okay...i shall stop here now....Just super frustrated today...
And i shall get back to my slides now...Did I tell you I have an aversion to slides now...I want to throw up when I am asked to do slides...sigh sigh...=(
Haven't done PDL yesterday and today, but I will blog Day 6 later...Sigh....
Back to slides for now...
Ade's response for Day 4 and Day 5
Hi,
I decided to be a bit cheapo and lump Day 4 and 5. Easier to blog it out...
Day 4
1) Life on earth is just a dress rehearsal. It is quite creepy that we are just on earth preparing for Heaven, don't you think? But we are all wired to want to live forever. Hmmmm.....It is creepy that death is not the end of me....
2) Eternity offers two choices: heaven or hell and my relationship now with God will determine how my relationship with God will be in eternity. It scares me that I only have two choices, it either I'm for God or not for Him.
3) God's plans endures forever and His purposes last eternally.
Point to ponder: There is more to life than just here and now.
Question to consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing today?
- I really need to stop working so hard and work more intelligently in doing things. I really want to start reading God's word more to build up my relationship with Him, and be with my loved ones because time on earth is really very short. It is scary.
Day 5
1) What is my life metaphor? I think it is a busy bee rushing around and not focused sometimes.
2) Life on earth is a test - You are always being tested in your small actions and big ones - for character development (Hmmm, makes me feel like I'm on 24-hour survelliance camera)
3) Life on earth is a trust - Talked about being a good steward of money and all (Ties in with the message on Sunday, and made me think about being a good steward of time as well)
God entrusts things for us to guard. And it really made me think that I really need to be a better steward of my health, my life etc (sniffles, I think I'm falling ill)...And I really need to be faithful in small matters for me to be faithful in large ones.
I think I need to keep myself pure, be edifying and love others in all my relationships...Maybe that's why I don't have anyone in my life yet... =P
Okay, over to you now....We need to strive on for Day 6....
jiam==chapter 5
Life on earth is a test and a trust. i view my life of both pinoochio and a chamelon.
Pinnochio-- i recognise that ive been made and God breathed life into me.However i also feel like a blind mice , not really knowing where im going and why.
Chamelon--a life full of changes. A change for every situation and circumstance that i have to go through..there is also this thought about always being pushed out of my comfort zone.
" how i view life"
-life is not easy. i think life is a time in which we are suppose to go out to bring more people into our zone( heaven).
"sometimes God intenetionally draws back and we dont sense his closeness."
- is this really true?
-if it is then i think that what happened to me was really this.He tested me and wanted to know how i would react to his disappearance..i was made to go think deeply about why i really wanted to follow him and why...the whole deal about me searching for the right" religion" and the whole thinking out of the box business..
-Eternity rewards
-affirmation
-promotion
-celebration
-- i think that im still stuck in the part of needing affirmation of what i do.
the direct relationship between money and relationshp with God. i think that it ties in neatly with what Uncle hee kiat said on sunday..
What are spiritual riches???
ANSWERS
- my test from God has come in many parts.
im screwing up with regards to both my testing of patience and in my thing with tomo.i recognised but im somehow not able to do something.
greatest matters?
- my education in Civl Engin.. i really want to do it well..i really want to know how much more i can do with God..
-family
in all honesty..i dont think that im ready for bigger things at all.Maybe thats wy i cant seem to get what i really wish for..i always want something stable and everything in a relationship..i also wish that God will give me the right one for me...i really love tomo but there is so much that cant fit...sigh. know what i mean?
yups..thats it..over to you now...=]
jiams=chapter 4
First DAY
i learnt:
-God's love is fundamentally reliable( which i further thought on means trustmworthy and dependable)
- i feel that we have redefined love and thus always underestimate what Gods love is really about..im particularly guilty abou that..which is why i really treat the 3 words" i love you" with alot of respect
Personality:
-not smart
-not focused
-impatient
-choosy
Background: im blessed
Physical Appearance:
-used to be my hair and face but really GOD has really changed that so much for me..i feel so much more confident now..i really am ever grateful k...=] THank you God.
Second DAY
i learnt:
eternity---something better than now , endless worship ad doign things we enjoy
i really cant imagine this. i mean the very fact that what we sorta like to do is considered "bad" so how then..in fact i always had a problem with eternity..but then again im bounding myself by the length of time..
i really was helped to stop thinking about this through the analogy of the ant and internet...i like.=]
- im always afraid of eternity because there is this thing about more than life.The two limited options never fails to dismay me..however i think that all i can possibly do to change things is to pray..God says somewhere that when we pray we are moving the heavens and there is power...yarh...
Day 3 of PDL - What Drives Your Life? (Ade's response)
Hi Jiam,
Realized that we have been sloppy about blogging our thoughts down. Sharing them doesn’t mean that we should not keep up our blogging. So I shall share Day 3 of my thoughts.
So you should blog Day 2 and 3 soon.
Here are my thoughts and points to ponder which I copied from the book.
1) Many people are driven by guilt – Hey that sounds like my relationship with Colin. For the longest time, I was guilty for the one who broke up with him and for going with Charlie, I just didn’t know how to mend my friendship with him.
2) Many people are driven by resentment and anger – That sounds like my relationship with Ian. I still have no clue why he treated me the way he treated me, and I just feel upset with him for using me as a lifeline and as a source of comfort. I realized that I had clammed up too much and internalized too much of the anger and resentment and I just exploded. I think I was a bad testimony to him in the end, and I just think it would be odd and awkward to see him again. Keeping my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t need to see him much. Even though I’m not upset with him anymore, I just don’t know how to treat him so that I guard myself against being hurt again.
3) Many people are driven by fear – That was my relationship with Kenneth. As much as I enjoyed his company, I feared so many things when my parents objected. I feared losing him as a friend, hurting him, and I did not know what to expect from my parents’ reaction. I felt torn giving up my family versus what I believed was happiness with Kenneth.
4) Many people are driven by materialism.
5) Many people are driven by the need of approval – That’s me and me and ME! I just fear people’s rejection so much. In fact, I had a talk with Barn just before he left for the States. And he said that perhaps many people think that I’m a “role model” because I’m careful with my words and I do not really show my real thoughts that much, unless it is around people that I’m familiar with. I’m still open to sharing with others, but I just don’t say or do certain things for the fear of rejection.
Interestingly, as I read these 5 points, and I agreed with them, the first thing that I thought of was about relationships. I guess I must be quite pathetic to be thinking about relationships all the time. In fact, I’m getting tired of doing that! Gees, you would think that it would take me less than 3 years to come to this point eh? But as much as I want to get married, nothing seem to be happening. Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m complaining, cos in the past I would think I am, but I got to put in some effort too in reaching that marriage point eg go mix with other Christians, befriend more new people, grow in Christ’s image and prepare for marriage. But at this point in time, I got to just focus on a few things – which are work, finishing my grad diploma and missions trip. That is all for this year’s agenda. Decided that there is no space for a guy. So I will put in some effort next year. =P
Having said that, ANYWAY, this blog ain’t about guys and my whining. It is about the fact that as I thought about my relationships with people and how they are related to the wrong drivers in my life, I realized that I have been a ninny all this while. God has used many relationships to teach me and reveal to me all the wrong drivers in my life. I have been so blind in not realizing that I really needed to grow up and not rely so much about needing a man in my life. God should be of number 1 importance not some guy in my life. I really need to work alongside with God and let Him lead the way and show me His purpose for my life.
Okay, moving along, we also read about why we should know our purpose.
1) Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life.
2) Knowing your purpose simplifies your life.
3) Knowing your purpose focuses your life.
4) Knowing your purpose motivates your life.
5) Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity.
After reading this 5 statements, I really wanted to know my purpose that God had in store for me and I didn’t want to miss out on it. The one that struck me most was #2. I really needed to do less, be more focused, and not do so much and keep running around, squeezing out time for so many people. I need to be wiser in my choices and know who to hang out with and why I want to hang out with the person. Guess I need to push my low S up a little. Hee hee.
It is so true that living on purpose is the path to peace. You just feel that your whole life is aligned and you don’t need to keep running around in circles.
Question to Consider: I would think that my family and friends would say that friends, success, rushing around doing many things, being unsettled and hyper are some of my driving forces or who I am. But I really want to be a person who is able to be down to earth, and clear about what God wants for me, and I want to be focused on my family and God.
Okay, I have blogged. Now it is over to you Jiam.
Day 2 of PDL - You Are Not An Accident (Ade's response)
Hi Jiam,
Here are my thoughts about Day 2's reading. And some of the stuff that I copied from the book as well.
Point to Ponder: I am not an accident
1) Long before you were conceived by my parents, you were conceived in the mind of God.
2) While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. And the poem bit about family.
The parents you have are the ones that He chose, no matter how I feel about them. The family unit is so crucial in God's eyes. I need to love my parents because they were custom-designed with God's plan in mind and they bear the Master's seal.
3) God's purpose took into account human error and even sin.
That made me realize how much God abhors abortion because He had a purpose for every child conceived. That made me question: what about those children who do not get born? What happens to them? What was God's purpose in those cases?
4) God is love. Love is the essence of God's character.
5) No matter how I am shaped, God meant for it to be that way, and I will grow in His likeness.
Question to consider: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
- That I'm too outspoken and blunt. I come across as harsh to people who do not know me well.
- That I'm getting old and no guy seems to be in sight.
- That I'm hunched and I have a minor skin problem.
- That I have low self-esteem and need the approval of men.
But I will trust that God made me unique for a purpose and God will use all of this for a purpose! =) I want to say that He has made me a perfect unique design. =)
Will blog Day 3 later. Gotta go read it now again...
Looking forward to seeing you later and watching anime with you....
its not about you
things that i learnt.
DAY ONE
its not about you.(HITme really hard.)
self sacrificing(its really hard)
God is the Inventor and we are the breathing puppets(somewhat like pinnochio and stuff)
to do less in life ( focusing on what matters..which makes me realise what being in Wollongong has helped me to achieve )
Becoming!!!!! ( to become a God created creature and realised that in moving forward or backward we become wither more or less like Christ)
DAY TWO
Verse: the word "IN" struck me as He is really the SOURCE of EVERYTHING
- that purpose goes beyond personal happiness, peace and fulfillment, dreams, family, career ( this really blew my mind..i couldnt imagine not having all of these in replacement of a purpose...scary )
Question and Answer:
-remembering what God has done in my life (especially this past year and more)
-counting my blessings
- knowing that im NOTHING without GOd..i can be killed instantly anytime( i briefly told tomo that..and i think he was quite upset..cause he felt that there are people who dont know or love God the way i do that love me just as much..hmmm..i dont know..maybe he misunderstood?)
yarh..i was really excited to read this...its scarythough..there is so much going on in the world today..the question you asked i thought about as well..i dont know..i guess i always stick to the way about how we all have choices to make..so we have many endings...( youknow those books that ask you what you wish to do..andyou turn to each respective page to continue your own story...) so yarh..thats why i think that in my own interpretation its the very fact that God gave us free will..so yarh..i dont know..haahh..as i said..its just my interpretation..
yups..im going to start on driving school soon..doctor changed some medicine..mom has promised to eat her medicine regularly for the next 2 weeks before she sees the doctor again..yups...anyways.i was wondering..like dont link your blog to this blog ok..this is a private one yah..i dont want anyone else reading it ok...thanks..
ok i think i have work to do as well.haahh.sian!
will be praying for you at work.
ciao
Day 1 of PDL - It All Starts With God (Adeline's Response)
Hi Jiamin,
Thought I better blog while I have the time...I just got off work around 10 and I came home...Now eating dinner while I blog and wait for my mails to be downloaded so that I can continue working...Talk about a bad week ahead....I'm just taking one day at a time now...Because this month is just bad...My colleagues are going to be away or out of the office quite a bit...And I'm the only one who isn't away....So pray for me as I really need strength....
Anyway, thought I will share with you the thoughts that I wrote down for the past two days....
Points to Ponder
I copied down some of the stuff from the book...
Ephesians 1:11 - In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in confirmity with the purpose of his will.
It is a good reminder to have the three pointers.
1) You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
2) God was thinking of you long before you ever thought about Him. His purpose for your life predates your conception. You may choose your career, spouse, hobbies, etc but you don't get to choose your purpose.
3) The purpose of your life fits into a much larger, cosmic purpose that God has designed for eternity.
This made me think about these few things. Focusing on ourselves will never reveal life's purposes. I was made by God and for God. I have really been selfish thinking about my own wants and needs and not focusing on the fact that God created me for a purpose and I need to understand that my sole purpose is to glorify Him.
I just have one thought though...I can't choose my purpose, but what if the stupid choices that I make like through my career and spouse and all, doesn't help to fulfil God's purpose? Then what happens? You know how people say if you don't fulfill what God has in stored for you, God can always raise up someone else for the job...So then how do we know that we can achieve that purpose that God has for us?
Question to Consider
For myself, I wondered just now how I can remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself....I realized that I feel empty without God. So I must keep reminding myself that chasing after the things in life do not fulfill me. Man may fail me time and time again, but God will not fail me. He created me for His purpose, so I need to remember I need to glorify God....And I realized to myself how much easier it is to remind myself to live for and love God when I'm surrounded by so much Christian support and encouragement...I realized that I have been very blessed...Even in my work place, I'm still able to have Christian colleagues like Christine and Juliana....=) So God is really good all the time...
Okay, I'm going off now to do my work...Hope to hear from you soon....
